atlas-bear:

#16: Abraham Lincoln

• Born in a log cabin.
• His morning exercise regimen consisted of running for miles while carrying two giant logs on each shoulder. 
• Nicest guy ever.
• …And he was really funny.
• Really fucking tall.
• He was 6’4”
• Buff as fuck under that suit.
• Extremely well read.
• The supreme master of sarcasm.
• Grew his beard out because a girl he liked said he’d look cool with it.
• During a debate when one of his opponents called him two-faced he responded by saying “If I had another face, do you think I would wear this one?
• Was a bigger Atheist than Jefferson.
• Was tough as fuck.
• As a child he was kicked in the head by a horse and then he just kinda walked it off.
• Was a very skilled wrestler.
• Won the support of a notorious street gang by out wrestling their leader.
• Upon seeing one of his supporters being attacked at a rally, Abe quickly jumped into the crowd, grabbed the attacker, lifted him over his head, and threw him onto a building.
• Got so many death threats that he kept all of them in a file in his desk labeled “Assassinations.”
• FUCK JOHN WILKES BOOTH!

An original American badass.